It isn't easier...It is harder!!!!

When people tell you that dealing with the loss of a loved one gets easier with time, what they forget to mention is that at first it gets harder. Well at least it seems that way to me. At first, I guess I was numb. Yes, it hurt - I would be lying if I said it didn't. However the next week, when life got back to "normal" was even harder. Because even though life was suppose to be returning to "normal" their was nothing normal about it. It isn't the big thing, but all of the little things. Last week I went home to change clothes before class and was leaving a little late and nobody was fussing at me that I was going to be late class, however worrying that I was going to be late seemed to Grandma's job. It just hit me that she wasn't there to fuss at me about running late. That use to drive me crazy, but now I miss it. This morning I needed Kleenex for my purse (I don't leave home without them right now), and Grandma always kept a supply a those pocket packs and I know where she is at she doesn't need Kleenex anymore. However, not needing to ask her if I could take pack made me cry. I never thought that Kleenex could make cry, nor not getting fussed at.